EEEEAAAWWWWAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
There are a great many things one must consider when considering who can best be considered unfathomably manly. It is this very sort of consideration which I consider now. How should one define who is manly and who is not? How should one define what makes one considerably manlier than those of only considerable manliness? How does one recognize an epitome of manliness, one whose manliness overwhelms that of even the manliest of men?
Having given this matter due consideration, I have concluded the following: such consideration is unnecessary, at least for the express purpose of identification. Behold the mosaic of manliness displayed below. Even without any justifications for any individual’s inclusion, the manliness of these characters is incontestable.
Exhibition of Manliness
Spike from Cowboy Bebop, Alucard from Castlevania, Kamina from Gurren Lagann:
Sean Connery from Scotland, Sigurd from Fire Emblem 4, Axe Cop from Axe Cop:
Archer from Fate/stay night, Shinra from Ikaruga, Kenshiro from Hokuto no Ken:
Kisuke from Oboromuramasa, Zeratul from StarCraft, Arngrim from Valkyrie Profile:
Of these twelve men (I restricted the size of the list so as not to need place a seizure warning), clearly any one of them would be the most ideal role-model for any person hoping to dispel any trace of pansiness from his psyche and being. There is, however, a danger to be had here, for one must realize the scope of the theoretical construct that manliness undermines itself.
Manliness as a term, given it obviously implies application to an exemplar of masculinity, inherently precludes equitable consideration of women. A woman may be manly or exhibit manliness, but in such a case the connotation is skewed and the label carries a distorted weight. For a man, to be thought manly is the ultimate compliment of the highest class of compliments for which he could ever endeavor and hope. For a woman, to be thought manly is, in the majority of cases (if not the vast majority), fiercely insulting.
Why the connotative asymmetry? Its rough synonymity with awesomeness and badassness is inextricably chained to exaggerated qualities of masculinity, but the dichotomous function of manliness prevents it from serving as a direct synonym for said qualities. Manly isn’t a universally flattering adjective because manliness lacks a definition that doesn’t imply a polar duality dependent on gender. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, the word is after all generally intended to refer to men, but any perceived need to maintain this gender division can be cast into doubt once the important components of manliness in its common, colloquial sense are individually identified.
Five Key Attributes of Manliness
1. One who is manly is tremendously strong or powerful:
Dante, the brazenly flippant half-demon lead from from Devil May Cry, can shatter rock with his /bare hands/ and shoot bullets out of mid-air.
2. One who is manly knows nothing of fear:
Wander from Shadow of the Colossus, steadfast, engaging a giant bird formed from stone that could probably swallow him whole... with a pink bow and arrow.
3. One who is manly has unparalleled resolve and unwavering determination:
Fenix, the most stalwart of all Protoss, refuses to surrender, enduring even his own death on the battlefield to continue fighting for his people.
4. One who is manly is exceptionally skilled with at least one weapon or combat art:
Tachibana Ukyo from Samurai Showdown, inspired by Sasaki Kojirou, can slice a tossed apple into four pieces before it hits the ground.
5. One who is manly never allows emotion or subjecting powers to lead him astray from his truest loyalties:
Gale from the sixth Fire Emblem title emanates the most supreme composure.
None of these characteristics are inapplicable to women. When the male aspect of manliness is discarded, it becomes clear that the term functions as a genderized subset of awesomeness and badassness. Any man who exemplifies the five qualities listed above is impossibly manly. Any person who exemplifies the five qualities listed above is absolutely bloody amazing awesome badass cool.
Here’s an example of such a person:
Selvaria Bles, the best character from Valkyria Chronicles.
A member of the Drei Stern, the collective name for the Imperial Prince Maximilian’s three most accomplished generals, Selvaria is tasked with spearheading the invasion of Gallia. This she does, literally, with a giant spear three meters long spear with which she engages and destroys Gallian tanks from the forefront of her army. I want to ensure this gets across properly: Selvaria is not only undaunted by the prospect of fighting tanks head on with a spear; when she does so, she wins… against tanks.
I can elaborate no further without spoiling the game’s story, but rest assured that, were she a man, Selvaria would be manlier than Henry V, Alexander the Great, a Tyrannosaurus rex, and David Bowie combined into one. Just as it’s blindly obvious that Kenshiro is an epitome of inconceivable manliness, it’s blindly obvious that Selvaria Bles is, thanks to her more than embodying the five key attributes of manliness outlines above, an epitome of absolute bloody amazingness.
Having concluded that manliness is, for all intents and purposes, a categorically masculine form of hyper radiant badassness, I am confident that presenting a mosaic of woman worthy of the same recognition as the men featured in the previous mosaic will serve only to magnify the legendary pulse of this article.
Exhibition of Women who are Absolutely Bloody Amazing Awesome Badass Cool and would Rank Among the Manliest of Men if they were Male
Canaan from Canaan, Mokou from Touhou 8, Beatrix Kiddo from Kill Bill:
Lyndis from Fire Emblem 7, Jill from Resident Evil, Saber from Fate/stay night:
Freya from Valkyrie Profile, Samus from Metroid, Fang from Final Fantasy XIII:
Note that one cannot indiscriminately exalt women who seem fearsomely awesome without consideration for the five key attributes of manliness. For example: Momohime from Oboromuramasa may at first glance seem a fantastic contender for inclusion in the list. She’s a more than capable sword master, and brutally unrelenting on the battlefield no matter her foe. However, unlike her male analogue Kisuke, she’s possessed by an evil spirit is unable to pursue her own motivations. How unmanly….
Give...me...blood....
In acknowledging an variation of manliness not restricted to men, one also renders invalid any prior implied age prerequisites. For example:
Edward Elric from FMA, Henrietta from Gunslinger Girl, Jaffar from Fire Emblem 7:
Edward joins the national military at the age of twelve and fights by transmuting his cybernetic arm into a sword. His driving motivation is the desire to restore his brother’s body after it was lost in a failed attempt to resurrect their mother. Henrietta was brainwashed when she was made into an assassin with remarkable gunplay, but her true self shines through regardless. She’s dedicated to the protection of her advisor, and is aggressively intolerant of anyone who poses a threat to him. Jaffar, the infamous Angel of Death, betrays the organization to which his life is owed to defend the one person whose life he cares for. These individuals’ skills, accomplishments, and personalities are just as worthy of recognition as those of anyone else glorified in this article.
And now can follow, the purpose of this text, an exposition on the two most absolutely bloody amazing badass cool characters ever realized in fiction:
Sorry Kudryavka, you just barely didn't make the cut....
1. Red
Red is a hero, a legend amongst legends, the Arthur Pendragon of Japan.
Red and his Pikachu luxuriating in their incomparable glory.
Red starts off an unremarkable kid in an unremarkable town. At the age of eleven, he’s granted the right to his own Pokémon and ventures into the world to complete the Pokédex. He proceeds to take up the Pokémon League challenge, and in the process of collecting gym badges single-handedly defeats and dismantles the diabolical Team Rocket. Red proceeds to claim the title of League Champion from his skilled but outclassed archrival.
What an amazing guy! When I was ten years old I wanted to be just as awesome and badass as he was. Over a decade has passed and my sentiments endure; Red took on every challenge his world had to offer and crushed them to dust between his fingers. 
Look at how he wears his hat! It tilts across his brow as if to say: “You can do nothing to stop your annihilation.”
2. Gold
YEEEES! >8]
And then we have Gold. His story is similar to Red’s, but the challenges he faces are somewhat reduced in scale; his rival is incapable of reaching the Elite Four, the lingering remains of Team Rocket he clears up are are comically ill organized, and he never has to confront a level sixty-two Dragonite.
He’s listed here for a reason, though. Gold has the distinct advantage of wearing shorts, which are comfy and easy to wear. He also has the more notable advantage of being absurdly confident, one glance from his direction will make most any intromittent organ recoil in respect, but that’s only fair given he’s likely the only Pokémon trainer in the world able to hold his own against Red.
Having navigated Gold to the heart of Mt. Silver, finding and battling Red was, and remains, for me, an intensely awing experience. At that point I cared naught for the outcome of the battle (my way of saying I lost the first time). Just having the chance to battle the hero and legend of the previous generation was enough reason for the experience to be burned into my memory.
Gold, his eyes brimming with awe and wonder, gazes upon a human god.
This is the reason Pokémon Gold and Silver hold inimitable nostalgic value.
What a fantastic way to end a game!
-~-~-~-
The source image for Sigurd I downloaded from FE部屋. The source image for Lyndis I downloaded from 忍壁柳’s Pixiv page. The image for Momohime I downloaded from 上山道郎’s Pixiv page. The source image for Jaffar I downloaded from カイト’s Pixiv page.
Yes!
Wow!
Amazing!
The blithely absurd TK is amazing, the most amazing kind of amazing, and the reason everyone should watch Angel Beats!. I shouldn’t even have to justify that statement, so I won’t bother. This show makes no sense, but it’s great.
